Soul in Wanderlust

Ça va (It goes)

2 days…until Australia.

It just seems like yesterday I was day dreaming and applying for an ETA. As I sat on the phone with Heather, discussing things we’re packing and not packing, we both were kind of like…2 days.

I got off the phone with her and packed but needed a mental break so I watched The X-Files. The episode “Audrey Pauley” hit a little too close to home and was a little to reality for me. The episode dealt with Reyes in a coma with no signs of brain activity and her partner Doggett refusing to give up on her. I sat through most of the episode crying my eyes out.

I can’t tell you if today, 2 years ago, was the day my mom went to the hospital. I can’t tell you that I remember much of that day. I just know I got the call from my dad to come say goodbye. I refused to believe that she was going to die that day. It just wasn’t her time. I knew that in my heart. I knew that in my bones. As I watched the episode of The X-Files, I wondered if my mom was in a world like Reyes was and what she felt and went through. When the character with the head trauma passed away and when they pulled the plug on the other, I instantly regressed back to 2009. I felt my world stop once again. I expected my phone to ring and hear my dad say, she’s not going to make it. I can hear my own voice saying my goodbyes to her and telling my dad and my sister that I would not be in the room when they took her off the respirator.

As I sat staring at the wall, my head drifted back to today, to reality, to now. My mom was such a dreamer. I get that from her. She listened to me plot out Australia and was always so supportive and in 2 days, I will be going. I was sadden by the fact that I couldn’t share this excitement and moment with her.

2 episodes of The X-Files later…the Universe spoke to me. Call me crazy or whatever you want. I really don’t care. I believe that things happen at a time because they’re meant to. While watching The X-Files episode “Improbable”. Instead of the usual “The Truth is Out There” tagline, it was “Dio ti ama”, Italian for “God loves you.” A gentle reminder that someone, somewhere, out in the Universe was sending me positive universal vibes. The episode is filled with snarkiness, numerology, and such. As I watched, I felt myself pulling out of the sadness from earlier and knew that life, my life, was on the right track.

2 days…

Ça va

Opening song from The X-Files episode “Improbable” – my theme song for the week…dubbed over the Muppetts Mahna Mahna video “Ça va Ça va” by Karl Zero

Original Mahna Mahna